Thursday, 05/17/2018
14:37 clock

Goodness, would that be a Gepinkele! One must be really grateful that RTL has finally resisted the very great temptation to do “Bachelor in Paradise” with dogs instead of people. Cute this variant would be safe, but also clearly urine-heavy. Because, and this is possibly the only point in which humans have dogs a bit ahead: At least, bipeds do not mark their territory by actually physically petting it.

Spanked, taken possession, as Mine-mine-MINE! In the second episode of the already very successful new trash format, it was explained a lot (read here a criticism to the beginning). A pretty telescope miniature on the topic of love capitalism was listed there, a lesson in what happens when one regulates feelings according to market laws: Prefer not to specify, although one finds oneself really good, rather speculate at the Betaste exchange, what else elsewhere at Schleckprofit and Rummach return would be in it.

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Bacherlor in Paradise:
Telekolleg in terms of love capitalism

Stupid only when suddenly an inflation shakes the market, because the Zentralbachelorbank pumps too much fresh capital into the system. With a Schwapper Bachelor Ursuppe Paul Janke is washed into paradise, the hair-foam-born, felt first and for many still the only legitimate “Bachelor” -Balzbock, scores more than ever.

For a long time one thinks at the sight of whales feeding: With his mouth always half open, the upper chewing bar flashing, Paul plows through the ready-to-sell merchandise like a hungry baleen whale filtering plankton through its horn plates. And takes the same time Pam on his first date, but actually last time Philip lifted his leg (for safety again the hint: purely metaphorical).

So Paul and Pam sit on a rock with a view on their date, they are still waiting for them to come on Bon Jovi Music video, while at home in paradise, the market rumbles: The demand for Blaublitzaugen and Propermännchen increases enormously, and the Philippmittel are scarce.

While Pam is sunbathing in the pale glare of the Jankebisse, the next Carina is Philipp. He tells her at the small-talk add-on that he’s a huge fan of Asia, which is a delectable little treat for all those onlookers who were there when the cultured Shy Madame Carina took a boat ride with Bachelor Daniel in Vietnam.

Caro agrees with Philipp, after all, he is “a really blatant character person”, and because she is also in possession of a Datecard, in addition to sufficient Bebusung the most stable currency in paradise, she takes the Vielbebalzten with the next day trip. At home you realize at the latest that you have been baited with a false product promise, as is customary in capitalism. This is not “Bachelor in Paradise”. This is Bachelor in Confirmation Free Time. And why Domenico actually looks like now Johnny Depp , of the Harry Potter plays?

Ex-bachelor Oliver, who sorted out Caro in the final and who in the past season left her viciously awkward for his possibly warm-up favor, looks into the tube. He overestimated his bachelors capital, however, sensitive, also because with new candidate Sebastian, an almost identical, but much cheaper replica comes on the market: Sebastian looks almost exactly like Oliver, but shows Caro opposite much less brittle and on top of that same Prollo -Special features on like the original: “Beautiful tit soup,” he says overlooking the pool.

Surprisingly enough, datecard investor Caro, for a change, has his hand in the towel. “She is now the one who sells the Bach Philippeelor ​​Oliver Sanne,” Carina blasphemes a little awed. “And the one who takes the guy to her friends.” So please note for upcoming trash formats: Caro now always with the additional shortcuts DDDBOSK / DDIFDKN provided, and please do not confuse the whole thing with DSGVO.

It could all go so well for her – but then Caro gets bogged down in premature monopolist fantasies. “Do you think the others are talking to me?” Asks Philip on her date in the inevitable infinity pool. “It would be better, if not”, Caro donates and throws the belt of her white waffle piqué bathrobe a little tighter. He is very impressed, says Philipp, because he has “such a confident, self-confident woman” at his side – to feel half an hour later put under pressure exactly by this woman, because of him clear competitive restrictions on Pam and Carina calls.

Unfortunately, the three women did not quite understand the laws of the market: In this episode, they are in charge of the roses, so they can decide which man stays and which flies – and still continue to court Philip’s favor. Only Oliver is smeared. “That she has the power now, that kind of upsets me a bit, it’s not the Caro I met,” he says, finding it perfectly normal to wish for a system in which the woman is completely off his temper is dependent. A little room further, Pam sits purring at Philip’s feet. And “Bachelor in Paradise” is suddenly no longer funny, but terribly sad.

To the author

Anja Rutzel , Born in 1973, dives in the trash TV marsh after cultural cat’s gold. In her master’s thesis, she explained why “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is a very detailed adaptation of Aristotle’s argumentation theory. She thinks “Everything’s bad for you” – and that “I’m a star – get me out of here!” can provide a deeper knowledge gain. Since April 2015 she is the author for SPIEGEL ONLINE.

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