Scottish Tory leader Ruth Davidson has revealed that she hurt herself when she was a teenager and ruled out her ever-willing to take on the party's job because of her mental health and relationship.
The 39-year-old, who is pregnant with her first child, said she had harmed herself and had suicidal thoughts when she was younger.
Ms. Davidson's personal popularity and electoral success often made her tilt as a future leader of the British party.
But she explicitly ruled out such a move and dismissed allegations that she could go to the peerage or move south and become a "b *******" MP.
When asked if she would ever run, Ms. Davidson told the Sunday Times, "No. I value my relationship and my mental health too much for that, I will not be a candidate."
She added, "On a human level, the idea of having a child in Edinburgh and then immediately going to London four days a week and leaving it up here is insulting, actually offensive to me."
Ms. Davidson is expecting her first child with partner Jen Wilson after IVF treatment.
She is to be born in October and take five months maternity leave.
Extracting from the memoirs of Ms. Davidson printed by the newspaper, she tells how the suicide of a boy from her home village when she was seventeen put her in a "frenzy".
She told the newspaper that she had cut herself, punched the walls and drank "far, far, too much" and had become "belligerent and angry".
A year later, she was diagnosed with clinical depression, but the drug gave her "desperate, dark, terrible dreams."
"I started having suicidal thoughts," she wrote.
Ms Davidson added that in her sophomore year of studying English at the university, she was terrified of sleep and spent her entire term in the night.
She said that she found her depression "like a suffocating black blanket over my head cutting out the sky" and that she was "heavy, constricting, suffocating".
Ms. Davidson said she is "still afraid" to return to the "psychological place I once lived".
She said that she turns to "structure, movement, forward momentum, measurable results" when she feels anxious.