TUESDAY'S BIG STORIES
Glass helped Fulham
The Warm-Up was not at the John Smith's Stadium last night, but it's a pretty good evening for the phrase 'Can we play you every week?'
But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's do this properly. And by 'properly', I naturally mean, 'in the voice of a boxing announcer'.
Tesco Metro, and two strikers who could not match the word 'goal' between them if you gave them a dictionary and a decade to read it.
Huddersfield Town's German Head Coach David Wagner (2nd L) embraces Huddersfield Town's Swiss defender Florent Hadergjonaj's English Premier League match between Huddersfield Town and Fulham at the John SmitGetty Images
In the blue corner: iiiiiiiit's Fulham, with his Black Friday-endorsed transfer policy, three senior goalkeepers, dice-roll selection process, LITERALLY ANDRE SCHURRLE, and a defense every bit as solid as a blancmange skyscraper.
Something had to give. And what gave Tim Fosu-Mensah, dishing out a ridiculously early Christmas present to the Terriers their first win of the season. "Sometimes everything comes together," said David Wagner, eyeing the league table with renewed affection.
Huddersfield players celebrate their win after the English Premier League match between Huddersfield Town and Fulham at John Smith's Stadium in Huddersfield, Northern England on November 5, 2018Getty Images
Slavisa Jokanovic, meanwhile, offered a devastating five-sentence assessment of his side's performance: "They seem to be a little bit scared. Maybe we did not understand how important this game is. We were a little bit confused. We did not play the first 45 minutes with enough intensity. We start to kick the ball without any sense. "
That last line: ouch. Yet the most succinct take on Fulham's struggles at the moment is probably by the club's Twitter account. It's good to know there's internet access in Bleaksville, but that's not the case for the Londoners at the moment.
Alvar-Oh No! Morata
We often hear footballers – and especially strikers – described as "confidence players". Alvaro Morata yesterday. But we might just need to move to the threshold for that epithet.
The Spaniard is feeling pretty positive about his form after netting twice against Crystal Palace at the weekend, but he has just come back from the scene.
"No-one, only my wife, knows how big the last year," he said. I'm down, down, down, down. I can not be more down. I had a period where everything … if it was raining, I was angry because it's raining; if I miss, it's because the pitch is too wet. It was only excuses. It's not good. "
The warm-up knows the feeling. This particular article, for instance, is slightly substandard because of the 'n' key on this laptop keeps sticking. But like Morata, we'll return to our devastating best. Do not worry about that.
Chelsea's Spanish striker Alvaro Morata (R) celebrates with Chelsea's Spanish midfielder Pedro (L) after scoring the opening goal of the English Premier League match between Chelsea and Crystal Palace at Stamford Bridge in London on November 4, 2Getty Images
Home Swede home
Speaking of confidence, here comes Zlatan Ibrahimovic, megaphone in hand, and some red-hot opinions to share. Get 'em quick, world! They're straight from the oven!
Here's Ibra telling FourFourTwo about the Premier League: "People said, 'You do not need to go to England, because if you fail in England, people always say you were not good enough'. Everybody was against it.
"I liked the Premier League […] Although I feel the quality is a bit overrated – the individual quality, the technical part.
I came in a wheelchair. All the people that talked, in the whole Premier League, I put them in a wheelchair. That's what I did. "
Say what you want about MLS, but Zlatan's patented Quote-a-Tron 4000 implant seems to work just fine on the other side of the Atlantic.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Manchester UnitedGetty Images
IN OTHER NEWS
This week in footballers being fouled by inanimate objects:
Could have been worse, at least …
RETRO CORNER 1
12 years ago: Arsene Wenger and Alan Pardew engage in a little light shaking after a late West Ham goal against Arsenal. It goes without saying it's to utter, utter travesty that did not break out into a full-on brawl.
The Warm-Up, for what it's worth, Wenger all day. Pardew would have the swagger and maybe the strength, but Le Professeur would have Alles the technique.
RETRO CORNER 2
Double Retro Corner? It's like Adam Hurrey never left the building, is not it? But 6 November is a date deserving of some proper nostalgia – and not just because it's The Warm-Up's birthday. ("How would you like to celebrate?") "Oh, definitely by Nick Miller on Eurosport." Said nobody ever.)
It was on this day in 1986 that Alex Ferguson first pitched up at Manchester United, with chestnut-brown hair and just a hint – well, maybe quite a lot – of the flintiness that would define his next few decades in the job. Here's his first interview with Red Devils boss:
Football leaks – the naked and detailed plans for a super league – it is now threatening the very fabric of the United States game to a greater degree than ever before. "
That's Miguel Delaney on Football Leaks, money and the inevitability of a European Super League. And here's Jonathan Liew on Morata and Sam Borden on Jose Mourinho.
Manchester Cty's Khaldoon Al Mubarak and Ferran SorianoReuters
The Chaaaaaampions! Sorry, The Warm-Up really needs to get out of the habit of starting every single Champions League matchday by sitting upright in bed and howling that as loud as possible. Mrs. Warm-Up really, really is not a fan.
But you can not wait for tonight's games. Red Star vs. Liverpool (5.55pm kick-off, timing fans!), Spurs vs. PSG, Inter vs. Barcelona, Napoli vs. PSG, Atletico Madrid vs. Dortmund … ADD TO CART.
Alex Chick has not been at his best for years yet, but we're bringing him back for one last valedictory warm-up tomorrow. Or something.