What if we really left Paris?

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Leave Paris ? For real, for good? And never set foot there again under any circumstances? The opportunity is wildly tempting. Since we know – despite the ruinous efforts of the Town Hall to persuade us every summer – that under the cobblestones, there is no beach, the urge to lay the capital down for more laughing and peaceful cities and agrarian lands, tares the Parisians. Containment will have largely contributed. Those who stayed dream of only one thing: to decamp; those who were able to leave have still not returned. Or very few, a few days, to settle made two or three odds and ends, and zou, hop, set out again.

Since May 11, the voice of real estate has signaled a surge in requests for houses with gardens outside Paris. A charming damsel seen on TV went so far as to state that “everyone wanted Choisy-le-Roi”. Why Choisy-le-Roi? Why so much hatred? With 79% humidity and 8348 living per square meter, there is really not enough to tackle everything. On the ville-ideale.fr site, opinions are unanimous: “too much social” – obviously, until June 28, the town hall was in the hands of the Communist Party – and “if, objectively, we can find worse as a city … Those who buy will quickly regret it ”. Here, dressed for Choisy-le-Roi winter. And then, frankly, leave Paris for Choisy-le-Roi, ho, hey, eh, good …

Around me, since May 11, it is the generalized shell. All my friends cancel their lease or sell their apartment to the highest bidder. According to agency pros, the volume of goods on the Paris market has never been so high. Unheard of, almost frightening. But that does not mean that prices drop, especially for rental. Everyone sets sail, heading for the country house, the seaside, the mountains, the South, the West, as far as possible from urban hell but as close as possible to a TGV station. The discovery of teleworking, as effective as the work in the office alongside the heads of rats and assholes in a closed circuit, will have contributed to this decision, which had matured for weeks. No more crowding in an apartment. No more beating up on neighbors who are more stupid than yourself. No more click & collect questions from Dutch tomatoes above ground and out of season. In nettles public transport, in gémonies the GA of copros pirated by Balkany from the staircase C. More scooters in the ankles abandoned on the sidewalks, more bikes guided by Khmer haters of the pedal, more gentle and innovative circulation. However, see you in a year on RTL in Julien Courbet to solve dark cases of manure stored against the guest bedroom, body painting workshop mounted overnight against your fence, roof left in the rain or other bickering between idle neighbors who live only to piss off others.

Leave Paris. Is. If not already done, for many, it’s already metabolized. The proof with the phenomenal rate of abstention in the second round of municipal elections, on June 28. Over 63%. A historic record, according to the press. Paris has more than 2,190,000 inhabitants. A figure recorded in perpetual cast iron for a few years. Only 1,322,282 million Parisians are registered on the lists. And only 553,017 voted in the first round in March, a figure reduced to 463,567 in the second round. Or just over 36%. Including 8000 blank ballots. Explanation: all the Parisians still registered in Paris fomenting the project to run away as quickly as possible, did not vote. Nothing left to shake. Cassos. After us the deluge. Demerden Sie sich. Without us. Hasta luego baby. In the ass the brush, the fire at the end … Like what, the masquerade denounced by Mâme Buzyn, rag-anger at being spread, replaced the worm in the fruit …

Leave Paris. Is. If not already done, for many, it’s already metabolized. The proof with the phenomenal rate of abstention in the second round of municipal elections, on June 28. Over 63%. A historic record, according to the press. Paris has more than 2,190,000 inhabitants. A figure recorded in perpetual cast iron for a few years. Only 1,322,282 million Parisians are registered on the lists. And only 553,017 voted in the first round in March, a figure reduced to 463,567 in the second round. Or just over 36%. Including 8000 blank ballots. Explanation: all the Parisians still registered in Paris fomenting the project to run away as quickly as possible, did not vote. Nothing left to shake. Cassos. After us the deluge. Demerden Sie sich. Without us. Hasta luego baby. In the ass the brush, the fire at the end … Like what, the masquerade denounced by Mame Buzyn, rag-anger to have been spread, replaced the worm in the fruit …

Honestly, given the context, the person who won has nothing to show off. “Thank you Paris! “, Claimed Anne Hidalgo, outgoing and returning mayor, Swiss hello genre, on the evening of June 28 in front of the Town Hall and a considerable crowd, at most, according to the radios, a hundred Parisians disrespectful of any distancing, social, physical and political. Thank you Paris? There is really nothing. Crushing victory ! Competition on the floor! The gazettes yelped. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed, gna gna gna. Considering the participation rate, winning the ballot box with more than 50% of so few votes is not a walk in Rome. Nothing of a Pyrrhic victory either, but, sorry, that Anne Hidalgo thank Paris and that she presents herself as the mayor of ALL Parisians, I say no! Other, Villani, out, go play sand. Clear the Buzyn which does not even snap a folding seat at the Paris Council. As for Rachida, she gets out of it with her head held high, like her heels. Result, Paris cut in half. Cleaved, what. And Macron green with rage. That’s good, everyone went green. Since Sunday, if you’re not green, you leave the country. In Choisy-le-Roi, Didier guillaume (nothing to do with the Minister of Agriculture who bears the same name), the so-called irremovable coconut mayor was desoldered with acid by a diverse right / green coalition. For a bit, we would have sung A green wave by changing the lyrics of the Blue Wave of Michèle Torr. At the next karoké-merguez, let’s get started, we promise!

Leave Paris. And how ! Rather twice than one. And in the train of urgent measures. Invivable, dirty, noisy, aggressive, unpleasant, punitive, the city was already a torment. Reelected, Madame Hidalgo and his followers make him a Golgotha ​​of urban misery. In his program, green David Belliard demanded a Paris freed from the car. Is. Which ? That of taxis, Uber, limo drivers, delivery vans, vans, semi-trailers, tourist coaches? No, that of the private individual, this polluting pig. And who deserves death by rotten lungs. Because the others do not pollute: they work. Also targeted, more slyly: scooters. It will be worse than Diên Biên Phu. Belliard also wants to pedestrianize the surroundings of 300 Parisian schools. Ha! The blow! Haro on the Mini Clubman and the SUV of Madame Parisienne. He also does not want municipal police but would advocate a brigade of security and public tranquility. Fricassee of words on newspeak frangipane. The idea of ​​the periphery transferred to an urban boulevard is also … As for Anne Hidalgo, there will always be fewer parking spaces, more and more cycle paths and pedestrianization in the center of Paris. Among other projects. Among which, it is in progress, emptying Paris of its inhabitants, clearing the old by slyly reducing the APA, preventing the active from working by depriving them of the choice of their mode of transport, ostracizing all those who, by their age, their pathologies and / or their handicap, cannot circulate by bicycle, transform Paris into a field of tourists. As for local taxes, expect an outbreak with the Olympics that we did not want.

Leave Paris ? Running yes! In the meantime, the bullshit continues with the neutralization of parking in the streets of the XIVth district where the granola people can benefit from compost bins, installed where? I ask you, on four parking spaces eagerly neutralized by the town hall. The initiative goes to a collective from the Alésia-Montsouris district, the Hyper-Voisins, which has climbed a lot in the trees, and brings together 15,000 residents who have not yet decided to leave Paris. Set up as a test for six months, these four “voluntary bio-waste supply terminals” are accessible once or twice a week by digital lock – it shouldn’t become a habit -, and for 1 euro. It’s modest plead the designers of the contraption. Ok, but that means that we will be stuck with food waste at home for several days while we pay taxes on already exorbitant household waste for a selective daily collection. And that we will have to walk from home to the “voluntary bio-waste disposal terminal” by holding our bags at arm’s length – the wheelbarrow is still prohibited in town – followed by cats, dogs and rats from the neighborhood . In midsummer and full heat, it is idyllic.

Leave Paris? On all fours, belly-to-earth. And then opt for the Angevin calm, the independence of Bordeaux, the freedom of the Yvelinnois bacage, the Ariege priest’s garden, the Vaucluse swimming pool, the organic vegetable garden, necessarily organic, and the veranda. If at fifty you don’t have your veranda it is because you missed your life. It’s well known. Especially outside of Paris. Another national passion with the barbecue, the veranda is a glazed work of wood / aluminum joinery which allows to gain a notable space on the living area of ​​the residence. The veranda, a word of Portuguese origin, is neither a pergola, nor a gazebo, nor a loggia. It is an appendage gallery, a winter garden, an extra room that can turn into kifoutou. A few years ago, nobody knew what a veranda was. Except those who had one. A mimi blaguounette was going around: a little boy and a little girl were playing together in the garden. Look, say the little girl, I found a hood on the veranda! What is a veranda? replies the boy…

Today, everyone wants their veranda. Bombed and conditioned by advertising, the frequency of which can come close to the fed up with Comme J’aime, the Frenchman rolls for his veranda. With the voices of Chantal Ladesou and of Franck Ferrand, the verandalist Akena is now better known than Amora mustard or Activia yogurt. See Akildia dermo-adjuvant foot cream. Based in Vendée, titled “the queen of verandas”, Akena is the leader in the sector occupied by around twenty manufacturers. Stagnating around the 75,000 verandas erected each year, the market must advertise. Thus, quite recently, by Renoval, champion of the all-aluminum veranda, with his spots recited by Pierre Arditi, already hired to promote MAAF, Côte d’Or cooking chocolate, LCL bank or Sennheiser headphones. An Arditi whose name circulates these days, with covered words, like gossip pipol and petégoulesse, as a putative substitute for the Culture of the very transparent Franck Riester. Arditi rue de Valois!

After the Buren Columns at the Palais-Royal, the Renovarditi verandas as an extension of ministry? Curious, but this verandah ad seems to have been obliterated and all traces on Google have been erased. Could we have played the farce of the veranda sacrifice on the altar of Morocco? Leave Paris. Really. And don’t turn around.

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