For many couples, especially those in a long-term relationship, the cooling off in their sex lives is a constant problem in their life together. According to a survey conducted by the Kinsey Institute in the United States, 34% of respondents have sex between two and three times a week, while 45% of couples reported having sex with their partners only a few times a month.
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In addition to the decrease in frequency, the mechanization of sex is another problem faced by couples. Because, even when a couple has sex, the relationship becomes so routine that it ends up not promoting as much pleasure as at the beginning of the relationship.
A study carried out by the sex shop Miess shows that 62.9% of Brazilian women tend to forge orgasms during intercourse and only 26.7% do not fake the sensation. Another survey carried out in the United Kingdom shows very similar results. Data collected by the Archives of Sexual Behavior shows that 75% of straight women in the UK pretend to have an orgasm.
The sexologist and writer of the book “Man Microwave, Woman Stove a Wood”, Gabriela Dias explains that there are numerous factors for this cooling in the relationship to happen. However, she highlights the lack of dialogue, especially about sex, as one of the biggest problems. Because even for the couple to try new ways to increase sex, it is necessary to have conversation.
“This issue of the difficulty of dialogue, of being able to say what I feel, what I think, what I like, what I don’t like, this, in a certain way, contributes to a cooling down. Because this difficulty in dialogue automatically closes some doors, making it seem that one does not understand the other”, says the professional.
Being able to understand your partner and above all having empathy for the person you are relating to is another point raised by the specialist. According to her, within a relationship, it is extremely important for the parties to put themselves in each other’s shoes and respect each other’s particularities and desires.
“Understanding that even though I have my desires, even though I live my life, I need to understand what the other wants. It’s very important to have empathy and put yourself in the other’s shoes, to understand that I have a life, but that someone else is with me too. So that each couple feels free to talk more and more about what they like and what they don’t like”, explains Dias.
Another problem with sex cooling is routine. Coupled with the lack of self-care that many women experience after motherhood, these two factors can very negatively affect the relationship.
“This issue of routine sex is something much more common than people can imagine, within the routine we stop doing certain important things, such as kissing, hugging or trying to surprise the loved one. In addition, most women, after they have children, have great difficulty in continuing to see themselves as a woman and not just as a mother”, argues the sexologist.
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“I always say that, in these cases, it’s time for us to recalculate the route and try to understand what we want for ourselves. How we are seeing ourselves and where we want to go. But most people have a hard time even getting back to see herself as a woman again, even for taking too long to seek help. Talking about your sexuality is exposing yourself, it’s talking about something you don’t want, so all this ends up making the couple’s sex life a great challenge for the relationship “, concludes the expert.