Nikkie de Jagger sits on this day, as is so often the case, to shoot a video for her viewers on YouTube. Her YouTube channel for make-up and makeup is called "Nikkietutorials" and has almost 13 million subscribers. It is typical of her videos that she steps in front of the camera without makeup and then transforms herself with clever makeup.
On this day she is already made up and there are no brushes or makeup to be seen, but it is still about a transformation. The video is not called "The Alphabet Makeup Challenge" or "How to Fake Full Fluffy Brows" like her other clips, but "I am coming out". In 17 minutes she tells that she is more transgender, why she is now going public with it and what she wants to share with others who feel the same way. After a day, the video saw over 24 million people.
The 25-year-old Dutch woman was identified as male at birth, but as far as she can remember, she always felt like a girl, she reports in her video. Her viewers and followers did not know this private detail from the life of the Youtuberin before. The trained stylist probably wouldn't have shared it with them if she hadn't been forced to do it, as she does in this video.
Again and again she has to justify herself
“Today I am here to share with you something I have always wanted to share with you – but as my own decision. Looks like this opportunity has been taken away from me, ”de Jagger says to her audience. It was blackmailed by several people over a long period of time that they wanted to go public with the knowledge of their original gender. They are said to have accused her of de Jagger lying to her fans by not saying "who she really is".
With the video, the influencer gets ahead of her alleged tormentors and even literally shows them the middle finger. By outing herself, she wants to regain power over herself, says de Jagger and emphasizes again and again how liberating the feeling is for her now. "I don't know how it will end now. I don't know if people will hate me, but I know that they will now see my true side. "
In the video, de Jagger impressively reports how the contradiction has always torn her apart, that there is a truth about her that she has to tell others. Although she had the need to complete this chapter of the transformation at the age of 19 after her gender reassignment, she should have kept telling it about new friends, confidants or acquaintances. "I'm always just me, Nikkie," says de Jagger. For someone who has never felt like a man, it is terrible to justify to others that he or she is a woman – de Jagger makes this clear in the video.
"I survived it"
The mother of the twenty-five-year-old, who keeps appearing in her makeup tutorials herself, was sure that she would have a girl during pregnancy – the surprise at birth was accordingly great. De Jagger reports about her childhood that from the beginning she preferred to play with dolls, painted her nails and always wanted to wear clothes. These are not genuinely feminine traits, but de Jagger emphasizes that she never wanted to be a boy: "Everything about me was girlish."
When she was six years old, she grew her hair long, when she was eight years old she only wore girls' clothes. Not only did her mother support her, teachers and many classmates also accepted her decision.
Despite the recognition, de Jagger went through difficult times. “At some point you want to finish and just say to yourself: I've survived this part. I survived it, ”she says in the video. It is known that the risk of suicide among young trans men and women is particularly high. A study by the University of Arizona announced in 2018 that more than half of trans-men in America have attempted suicide.
Her fiance is behind her
De Jagger says of herself that her real change, namely that of becoming a strong woman, could be followed on YouTube over the years. The Dutch woman has been running her successful channel for eleven years – when she had just started hormone therapy. Gender reassignment did not follow until five years later when she was 19 years old. As a stylist, she has already made up many stars, including Lady Gaga, Kim Kardashian and Drew Berrymore. She became famous in 2015 when her YouTube video "The Power of Makeup" went viral.
Her channel primarily focuses on her love of makeup and not her own person. De Jagger continues to want her channel to be about this art, not about it. She only reveals one thing: her fiance Dillan has known about her past for a long time, if not from the beginning. She wished she had told him earlier, but it was right to wait until you knew it was a really trustworthy person.
She always appeals to her fans who have not yet decided to come out. "Believe me, it will get better," she says at the end and gives kisses to her audience by hand.
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