Adapted from a current online discussion.

Dear Carolyn, My husband's family is really academic, most of them go to school at least until the end of 20. My husband has a bachelor's degree and I have a college but have never graduated. His family has always been inviting and they are not a snobby or anything – except Thanksgiving. My in-laws organize a great meal. My husband's siblings are never asked to contribute anything because they are in the final and have "no time or money" to bring along. We are always asked to bring a dessert.

My husband says I'm overreacting, and I do not care, but for some reason that really annoys me. How do I let it go? Or is it worthwhile to address it?

– Really choppy

Really choppy: Oh god, no. Please do not.

There are only two options here. One is that the face value explanation is correct: the siblings are all broke and battered at the final and both of you are not broke and do not strike. So you are the only ones who can help.

(Nick Galifianakis / for the Washington Post)

By the way, if this is true, you will learn if and when students finish their degree programs and are asked to bring their own cake. Or not.

The second is that your gut feeling is right – that you are treated as second-class academic.

If the latter is true, then theoretically it is not defensible, but in practice it is not only a bit long ("Let's bring unwashed cake!"), But it also enjoys 364 days, probably 365 days of welcome and useless people for the cost of a cake.

It is normal for our insecurities to even raise their voices and sometimes drown out the more rational ones in our heads. We all just have to make sure we do not slip and speak out loud.

Re: Pie ?: Make the cake Do it with a loving heart, free and voluntary. After all, what you know, academics in the family can not cook.

– anonymous

Anonymous: This answer is the answer to so many things: make the cake.

Re: Academic Snobbery: I find it very hard to believe that if these parents-in-law really perceive "Bugged" as inferior, that is the only way or time that it manifests. Maybe they just think, she makes a good cake.

– skeptical

Skeptical: True, the calendar is full of dessert options to express contempt.

Re: bring the cake: An acquaintance always believed that she had been disappointed because she was not asked to bring sandwiches except for frozen dinners. As it turned out, her mother-in-law discovered that she was really busy and tried to prevent her from being forced onto additional material. Do not insult if it is not necessary.

– Pro-Pie

Pro-Pie: And sometimes, if necessary.

Leave the offense, take the cake.

Re: Pie: One way is to make a terrible cake so that you are no longer asked to.

– A crime against cakes

A crime against cakes: Terrible cake is not an option.

I am in an existential crisis now.

Re: Pie: My main food is that cake is always the answer.

– take away pate

Snack Cake: Everything better now, thanks.

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